Yes All Women

This is not about gaming, this isn’t about anything nerdy except maybe the fact it was on Twitter. Gender is a topic that fascinates me as the roles we play, and how it shapes our live, also I am on Twitter alot, and a topic that is trending of late came up, #Yesallwomen.  I saw women complain about how men did that to them, or this. I was getting angry. Surely there are women out there that don’t have these issues with men. I mean I had to believe as a man that there are women out there that are not treated like prisoners of war. I thought wrong, but I’ll get to that.

So to see exactly if it is ALL women, or maybe just a couple over vocal women who have had these issues. I created a little survey.

Survey

The results thus far was VERY eye opening, and a little sad.

So here are the results of my survey, As of this writing I have had 35 people who identify as women take the study. If you identify as male, I’m sorry I tossed your data out, but thanks for taking the survey, and I assure you will get your turn to speak.

The Results

Question #2 Have you ever had a negative experience that was caused by a male (  A very very general question I know, but thought it was a good kicking off point)

Yes -100%

No- 0%

Not a real surprise here.

Question #3 – Have you ever been raped? 

Yes – 40%

No – 60%

This was damn near half of the women. This shocked me to the core.

Question #4 – Have you ever been physically abused by a male?

Yes- 51%

No – 49%

Another point of concern that it’s at near half, and half.

Question #5 – Have you ever feel threatened by a male? (Sorry shitty grammar here, but I did the survey in 5 seconds)

Yes – 100%

No – 0%

This question was a little general too I thought but still 100%.

Question #6 – Have you ever been sexually harassed by a male? 

Yes – 92%

No – 8%

Another disturbing result.

Question #7 – I left this open to comments. 

Some of the comments are truly disturbing. From waking up with being raped, to having boyfriends beat them, drug them, abuse them. Even a stepfather raping one of them. These are people who these girls and women are suppose to trust and count on.

This survey really opened my eyes. Where did this society go wrong. How come being born a woman is a prison sentence? Why must they live in fear?  It really made me think with my own dealings with women and I think I treated them right, and with at least some modicum of respect.  They say a few bad apples ruin the bunch, but we as a bunch and I say males in general need to police our own better.

I’ll leave the survey open a bit longer, but I don’t things will change much. Don’t worry men, I’ll give you a turn as well, but as for the women I don’t know what to say. I was wrong.  I guess it is All Women. 

 

 

18 Responses to “Yes All Women”

  1. The numbers are shocking, they really are. I will say this tho, it only takes a handful of men to do things wrong, to make huge number for us females to be treated bad. So I don’t judge all men by these numbers and I hope everyone else wont either. I have had my bad experiences, but that was from few men compared to all the good, decent men I have met.

    • theerivs Says:

      I learned this isn’t about men being scum, but it’s sad this is a fact of life for women. Why must being born a woman mean a lifetime of looking over your shoulder in a so-called civilized society.

    • I think this is it – I don’t think many women judge all men by these experiences (I don’t know any women who do, anyway), but it is a huge relief to see it be recognised that all (or at least, as near to all as makes no odds) women have to put up with rubbish from the bad apples

  2. I will admit that I don’t really experience much of this NOW, but definitely in my teens. However, this is because I’m very particular with the people I surround myself with which then brings up the question: why should I have to be so choosey about the people I’m around just to avoid being treated like shit, or worse? I guess I’m lucky in some ways, but looking at questions 3 and 4.. a lot less are than even I thought. This is a scary eye-opener. 😦

  3. theerivs Says:

    Truly it is.

  4. The sociologist in me cringes at the actual survey (survey construction is kind of a Thing of mine), but it’s easy enough to get over when one recognizes that it was a way for a man to see the problems and situations and abuse that women deal with. That’s incredibly rare and props to you for admitting you were wrong and that admitting yes, it truly is all women.

    In terms of treating women well — as long as you’ve treated women like people, as long as you’ve respected their decisions (even, or especially, when you didn’t like them), as long as you’ve never forced your desires (of any kind) on a woman, then you’ve done a lot better than most guys.

    I think your call to action to other males to police their own better is great. That’s an important step in moving forward, in moving towards a society that’s more equal, fair and, to be honest, in which it’s less terrifying to be a woman.

    Thanks for putting the survey out there and thank you for being open to seeing what you might not have wanted to see.

    • theerivs Says:

      LOL yeah this survey is not science, it was for myself. I hoped for different answers, but the reality of it is starker then I would liked to believe.

  5. I was having dinner with a group of my girlfriends the other night, and within context I mentioned the #YesAllWomen hashtag, the movement, etc. I said I wasn’t shocked, really, but saddened at the sheer VOLUME of Tweets “coming out” and how society really does need to change.

    I said, “out of the 8 of us here, I can guarantee you we’ve all suffered SOME form of sexual harassment/misogyny in our lives.” One friend turned to me and started her story of how she encountered a man (construction worker) near her work, who proceeded to stare at her uncomfortably while she walked to her car, got in, and as she drove past him. When she drove back a little later, the same man stared at her as she drove up and she then realized that he’d removed his member from his jeans and started masturbating…all while continuing to stare at her.

    She entered the building, called the police…and the male officer who came out ended up letting the masturbator off the hook because, “Well, the guy says he’d just been using the bathroom and it was all a misunderstanding.” So that was that.

    She went on to say, “I felt SO uncomfortable from that experience, and I felt really VIOLATED! But I guess I wasn’t really violated, since he didn’t DO anything to me…”

    I gaped at her in shock and said, “Yes you WERE violated; he DID do something to you!!!” She thought it over for a second and said, “well, I guess you’re right!”

    THEN I had to explain to her that the police officer — again, a male — had just assumed she was being overreactive.

    *sigh*

  6. I was interested to hear your take on it. It’s been an eye opener to a lot of people. To men, because they might not realize this is happening (on such a scale). And for women who have been studiously ignoring or tolerating this behavior because it’s what society expects us to do.

  7. I’m a professional feminist, and I’d like to add another “thank you” to this post. Your willingness to say “I learned something that surprised me” is an example of the kind of masculinity I believe and hope for our world. (an intelligent, strong, humble masculinity)

    If we’re serious about healthy gender images, it’s going to take this kind of personal initiative and humility.

    I read this great metaphor yesterday that helps us understand why #yesallwomen is NOT about saying all men are scum or bad (because most really are good!). When five bottles of Tylenol were found to have poison instead of medicine in them, millions of bottles were recalled. Why? Because we expect to live in a world where the pills in a bottle are correctly and safely labeled. We (manufacturers, stores, government and consumers together) are willing to take extreme measures to ensure this is true.

    Why should any woman have to live in a world where she isn’t sure if this is a “good man” or not? What CAN we do differently to move closer to that possibility? (p.s. blog posts yours this ARE an IMPORTANT STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!) Keep talking about it – keep calling out the men who project their problems on other people – and keep listening!

    Thank you!

  8. These numbers aren’t shocking at all, although I am a woman and have been learning to expect them literally my whole life.

    But these numbers are more than “a little” sad.

    I understand that men are not all directly assaulting women, but all women are forced to suffer, deal with, and learn to protect themselves from the handful of men that are. Those men who don’t directly physically assault women are blissfully ignorant enough to tell us that we don’t have it “that bad”.

    I applaud you for taking the time to question your preexisting beliefs, and I urge you to become an advocate. Get involved, share your findings, think larger, or even just be more aware of the culture that creates these problems. Quieting or ignoring feminists and women in general who are voicing their concerns or assaults is part of the problem, as is leaving misogyny unchecked and unquestioned. A joke is not harmless, and objectification shouldn’t be the norm.

  9. shahana Says:

    What a brilliant idea, and a great way to see for yourself what those numbers are really like. Good for you!

  10. Thank you for your survey, and even more for your willingness to listen. I believe your results. I’m a strong professional woman and I deal with stuff like this all the time — I’ll admit I write it off to “well, I guess that just happens to women” and I cope with it without asking “why?!?” The majority of men do not act like that, but why is it OK when even a few do? Why do I often not tell my male colleagues about it, instead feeling like I did something wrong and its something I must hide? Thank you for your openness. I think this is a wonderful conversation.

  11. The numbers aren’t shocking (as others have said) but they are definitely sad. Really sad.

    I’m glad you did this Rivs – men need to be aware of what is really going on. Just because we may not be doing it or seeing it doesn’t mean that its not happening.

  12. Massive respect for you. Most men don’t get past the defensive anger stage, no matter how calm they actually sound when they react to being presented with something like the #YesAllWomen thing. That you actually investigated it for yourself with an open mind speaks extremely well to your integrity.

  13. […] River from High Latency Life, a person I never expected to really get on board but came to his own revelations regarding “Yes All Woman” after creating a small survey […]

  14. […] change when he decided to take an impromptu poll on the topic of gender and gaming.  HIs post “Yes All Women” was his post about having his eyes opened that, yes the problem was really that prolific.  I […]

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