20 Excuses to Ditch Your Family for SWTOR

Because River is most likely throwing up more than Regan MacNeil on a picnic with Billy Graham or leaving shit streaks in his underwear longer than a DeLorean DMC-12, going 88 miles an hour, I’ll be posting for him today. For better or worse, you’ll have to deal with it. If you have no idea who I am, I’ll give you a quick synopsis about myself.

I am Scarybooster from Scary Worlds. I too, shot out of my mother’s vagina tearing a place between the land of holy and a shit hole. Fortunately for you, it was not at the same time or date. Otherwise, scientists might of discovered how to smash neutrinos faster than the speed of light earlier, just so they could get rid of us before the world could end in 2012. I decided to wait a few years so the world could recover from the birth of River.

Anyways, I’ve noticed River has been into lists lately. So, I decided to make a list too. If you can’t read the title, my list is about 20 different ways to get out of spending the holidays with your family so you can play SWTOR. If you don’t plan on playing SWTOR this holiday season, you might as well finish the post because I’ve wasted this much of your time already. Buck-up and read on.

1. You tell your family you need to delouse Your couch during the holidays, because your crabs got loose.

2. You are recovering from Circumcision surgery and you are a bit pissed your penis looks smaller now. You’ll have to beat off regularly to pray it grows more.

3. You murdered a guy and you are not sure you can stop there.

4. You got fired from your job and you’ve been drinking heavily with River. You’re not sure when the diarrhea will subside. River is using the sink and you have your ass out the window.

5. You woke up in a zoo naked with blood all over yourself. You believe you are a werewolf, because your girlfriend made you watch all the Twilight movies at once. That or you got sick of the bitch and had her for dinner with the lions.

6. Your girlfriend is pregnant with twins. You didn’t have insurance to get an ultrasound, so you got your head stuck in her vagina trying to look for a heartbeat.

7. Your cat died. Unfortunately, you had a string attached to the blinds and the cat leaped for it. The window was open and you live 4 floors up in an apartment. Good news is, it landed on its feet… you think.

8. You won a vacation to go hiking in the mountains between Iran and Iraq. You might be late for Hanukkah.

9. “People are starving in China and all you can think of is feeding your fat ass more! I’m so disgusted right now!” Worked in the 80’s.

10. Your drug business is finally paying off this year and you need to ship 300 marijuana Christmas trees before December 25th. To top it off, your crack whores are picketing outside your house asking for equal Pimp Hands for everyone. You just can’t deal with taking off this year to see family.

So there you go… wait I said 20 right? My bad, you’ll just have to visit Scary Worlds for the other 10.

4 Responses to “20 Excuses to Ditch Your Family for SWTOR”

  1. […] High Latency Life strikes pure comedic gold: 20 Excuses to Ditch Your Family for SWTOR […]

  2. Great Post!!!

  3. Pulled out all the stops just for you. I figured if you were dead, I was the first one there with a shovel 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: